on people
excerpt from “A Reflection of You” (2017 - ongoing)
changes, or on H’s mother
With winter slowly coating the city this early morning, my close friend's mother passed away after almost four years of fighting cancer. It was 33,072 hours or 1,984,320 minutes that she suffered severe pain, with lots of tubes for transfusions, toxins, and actinic radiation...
She witnessed, fortunately, all of the essential life changes in her last days. Her husband learned how to take care of the house. Her son achieved a career, so she could rest in the belief that "he will not go hungry." Her daughter - my friend - got married and is pregnant, a baby who changed her personality, while just two years ago, the mother still wondered if there would come a day when this girl was mature.
Right now, while I am thinking of my friend's mother - a beautiful, bright, warm-hearted woman, perhaps she is ready for her changes, a new journey to leave everything behind.
A couple of minutes ago, Berlin radio quoted Václav Havel with the power of words and the significant changes this politician created in the Czech Republic society in the 1990s. "If the world is to change for the better, it must start with a change in human consciousness, in the very humanness of a modern man," Mr Havel once said.
In various definitions, a change is an act or process that becomes different. That could be a transformation, a modification, an alteration, a variation, or a deviation. That could be the passing from one place, state, form, or phase to anything that may be substituted for another.
In the formula of change (C = D × V × F > R), which was created by David Gleicher in the early 1960s and refined by Kathie Dannemiller in the 1980s, there are three crucial factors for a meaningful change to take place:
D - Dissatisfaction with how things are now
V - Vision of what is possible
F - First concrete steps that can be taken towards the vision
If the product of these three factors is more than R - Resistance, then change is possible. Because D, V, and F are multiplied, if any element is absent (zero) or low, the change will be zero or weak and, therefore, not capable of overcoming the resistance.
Significant changes sometimes overwhelm people. Many problems might appear because of the change they want to make. The sudden difficulty of implementing the solutions, deadlines, financial crises, or the amount of work needed for the changes is so complicated that people do not know where to start. As a result, there is no change in the end!
Thinking of changes in my life, here comes a catalogue: my hairstyle and colours, my clothes and shoes, my grades and schools, my friends and teachers, my bosses and jobs, my country and my love, and my photography. I have had a profound variation in the ability to photograph and to feel. My notebooks are full of adjustments and twists every day; my writing style and perception become more different and exciting. In the following days, my mood inevitably changes while saying goodbye to a friend who will go home while seeing the autumn leaves' colours fading when switching on the heating system...
My friend's mother always believed that when life closed a door, it would open another door. And death is just the beginning of a new journey, a positive change, or a release from suffering. "You are not allowed to be sad; what I hate the most is crying and dramatic situations. So, be beautiful and fresh; that is how our farewell is supposed to be". She guided the whole family throughout 1,378 days of fighting cancer with the most cheerful face because, to her, life is basically sad and grim. However, we have a way to make it filled with joy and laughter. Upset or happy; finally, it is just a change of attitude.
When preparing for any change, in all shapes and forms, I often think about the wise words from the ancient Chinese philosopher Laozi: "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."
Do something, start working, take the first small step - and gradually, your journey to become better and different will begin. And may all the changes you awaited or worked for so long bring joy and satisfaction into your lives. Because life needs your experience, wisdom, transitions, and your love.